Sunday, October 20, 2013

Ummahterial Girl?

The Material Girl has decided to join the Ummah?

I am building schools for girls in Islamic countries and studying the Qur’an …

Well, not really. Madonna just thinks she should study different religions. Now it's Islam's turn. Perhaps she'll try Catholicism next.

Her whining about how unpopular being a noncomformist makes you seems rather silly given how she built a fortune on the popularity built on that persona.

But one thing she'll learn about her new course of study is assured. Mark Steyn notes that Madonna urges people to be daring, which "in her book" is how to live life. That could be a problem:

Okay. I opened Madonna’s book. It was the Sex book. She’s naked sprawled over a wall with her bottom in the air, and some enthusiastic dogs down below. For her new Muslim friends, the dogs may be a problem.

Yeah a lot of things about Madonna will be a problem for Islamsits who don't think studying the Koran is something you do on a lark just to be daring.

Will we see Madonna's songs re-released in Islamist-friendly terms?

List of songs by Madonna (courtesty of Songfacts) and new Islamist-themed titles.

Madonna - 4 Minutes --> 4 Minutes Until the IED Blows

Madonna - American Life --> American Death

Madonna - B-Day Song --> M(artyr)-Day Song

Madonna - Bad Girl --> Girls are Bad

Madonna - Beat Goes On --> The Beatings Go On

Madonna - Beautiful Killer --> [No Change]

Madonna - Bedtime Story --> Deadtime Story

Madonna - Best Friend --> Best Rend

Madonna - Borderline --> Borderline Personality Disorder

Madonna - Burning Up --> [No Change]

Madonna - Candy Store --> [I got nothing]

Madonna - Celebration --> 9/11 Celebration

Madonna - Cherish --> Perish

Madonna - Crazy For You --> Crazy For Everyone

Madonna - Dance Tonight --> Dance Tonight and Get a Lashing

Madonna - Dear Jessie --> Dear Osama

Madonna - Deeper and Deeper --> Reaper and Bleeped!--whirrrrrr

Madonna - Devil Wouldn't Recognize You --> America Wouldn't Recognize You

Madonna - Die Another Day --> Die Right Now

Madonna - Don't Tell Me --> Don't Insult My Religion

Madonna - Dress You Up --> Cover You Up

Madonna - Everybody --> Everybody Submits

Madonna - Express Yourself --> Express Yourself and Get a Lashing

Madonna - Falling Free --> Falling from the Twin Towers

Madonna - Future Lovers --> Future Bombers

Madonna - Gang Bang --> [No Change]

Madonna - Get Together --> Blow Apart

Madonna - Girl Gone Wild --> Girl Gone Wild on Got a Lashing

Madonna - Give it 2 Me --> Take it 4 Allah

Madonna - Give Me All Your Luvin' --> Turn the Anger Up to 11

Madonna - Holiday --> Ramadan

Madonna - Hung Up --> Strung Up By the Neck

Madonna - I Don't Give A -->

Madonna - I Fu--ed Up --> I Blew Up (When My IED Went Off)

Madonna - I Love New York --> I Hate New York

Madonna - I'll Remember --> I'll make Stuff Up

Madonna - I'm a Sinner --> You're a Sinner

Madonna - I'm Addicted --> I'm a Dick

Madonna - Incredible --> Inshallah!

Madonna - Into The Groove --> Into the Grave

Madonna - Justify My Love --> Justify My Jihad

Madonna - La Isla Bonita  -->  [Not even close to having something]

Madonna - Like A Prayer --> [No Change]

Madonna - Like A Virgin --> Like 72 Virgins

Madonna - Live To Tell --> Live to Submit

Madonna - Love Spent --> Ammo Spent

Madonna - Lucky Star --> Lucky Car Bomb

Madonna - Masterpiece --> Masterpiece is Haram

Madonna - Material Girl --> Ummahterial Girl

Madonna - Miles Away --> Bombs Away!

Madonna - Mother and Father --> Mother and Father are Involuntary Martyrs

Madonna - Music --> Music is Haram

Madonna - Nothing Really Matters --> Nothing Rarely Splatters

Madonna - Oh, Father --> [I got nothing]

Madonna - One More Chance --> One More Lance

Madonna - Open Your Heart --> Rip Open Your Heart

Madonna - Papa Don't Preach --> Papa Don't Honor Kill

Madonna - Promise To Try --> Promise to Die

Madonna - Rain --> Pain

Madonna - Ray Of Light --> Blast of Light

Madonna - Rescue Me --> [No Change]

Madonna - Revolver --> AK-47

Madonna - She's Not Me --> She's Not That Into Me

Madonna - Some Girls --> Scum Girls

Madonna - Spanish Lessons --> Spanish Taught Lessons on M-11

Madonna - Substitute For Love --> Substitute for Ammonium Nitrate

Madonna - Superstar --> [I got nothing]

Madonna - Take A Bow --> Take a Bomb

Madonna - The Power Of Goodbye --> The Power of Box Cutters

Madonna - This Used To Be My Playground --> This Crater Used To Be Your Playground

Madonna - True Blue --> True Green

Madonna - Turn Up the Radio --> Turn Up the Radio and Get a Lashing

Madonna - Vogue --> [I got nothing]

Madonna - Voices --> Voices In My Head

Madonna - What It Feels Like For A Girl --> What It Feels Like For A Girl In A Burqa

Madonna - Who's That Girl --> Is That A Girl in the Burqa

Madonna - You'll See --> You'll Die

I'm not sure if you are allowed to dance to any of them, of course.

But hey, will see how this new daring exploration works out for Madonna.