I Call and Raise the Clowns

Some celebrities and whackjobs (yes, yes, there is overlap there) are embarking on a rolling "hunger strike" where each one does not eat for one day and then turns the "fast" over to the next clown in line.

Well, in the spirit of meaningless demonstrations of moral superiority, I call their rolling hunger strike and raise them by vowing to stay awake until we win completely in Iraq and the last jihadi and Baathist is dead, exiled, jailed, or just too worn out to keep fighting the Iraqi government.

My efforts will be interrupted periodically to eat and sleep, but I will not hand off this burden to anyone. And in total, the display of my concern will be staggering when I complete my "bouncing hunger and sleep strike." I estimate that this solo commitment of mine will last the next decade.

Over the course of this decade, I anticipate that I will not be eating for nine of those years (assuming I eat 2.4 hours out of each day) and also will be awake, deprived of sleep, for seven years (assuming I sleep 7.2 hours per day on average). But at the end of it all, tired and hungry I'm sure, my honor will be intact while the clowns on a "rolling" hunger strike will be years past their glory day of not eating.

And by God, if I need another year or two to let our side complete the victory, I'll be right there intermittently not eating or sleeping.

So take that you pampered celebrity slackers! One day of missed food? Hah! I laugh at your pathetic morally inferior convictions.

But hey, at least the freak show fasters plan on lasting longer than Saddam's one-meal fast--and he's up for an execution!