Introducing the Shroudie!

Introducing the Shroudie--the warmest body bag you'll ever need!

First you bought the Snuggie! When the economy tanked and your personal finances soured, turning down the thermostat worked with this reversed, extra-long robe. You could get up whenever you wanted, and looked forward to doing so! You were down. You weren't out! This was just a minor setback, and you'd be back to work and wearing sweat pants on your days off as an active person!

But as the economy refused to budge and your prospects of getting a job dwindled away, getting up off the couch didn't seem so important. Now the draft from the rear opening of your Snuggie was a bit annoying--especially since you had to turn the thermostat down again. So you bought the Forever Lazy! It even has a hood for extra warmth. You never have to leave the couch now. And why would you want to? What's the bloody point? But if you do have to get up to use the bathroom, it has a flap! See? You still have life stirring in you! Not much. And you aren't sure what to do with it. But you could get up if you want to. But it's nice not to have to. It is warm, isn't it?

Yet your fortunes continued to stagnate as our governing class refused to come to grips with the mess they'd made of our economy, and boasted of minor decreases in first-time unemployment claims to mask their failure. The Snuggie was fine for that first stage of hopeful, but practical determination to get over a rough spot. And the Forever Lazy was nice when you figured you just had to hunker down and endure until something--somehow--happened.

But what about when you give up completely and just don't care to get up? Or even use the lavatory?

Well, we have the newest in insulated body wear for when you just want to lie down and wait to die. It's the Shroudie! A one-piece flannel burial shroud that keeps you nice and toasty warm while you lie on the couch watching TV, waiting for merciful death to release you from the misery that your life has become. Just climb in, zip it up to your chin, cross your arms across your chest, and sink into an uncaring stupor in comfy warmth.

This fashion body bag comes in black, gray, white, or purple. It's only $29.99 (plus $6.99 postage and handling), and zips up over your head when you finally expire, so your family still in their Forever Lazies can haul you to the door for the coroner. Well, eventually they'll carry you there. If they're going to the bathroom anyway. Hey, maybe you're lucky and a cousin still in the Snuggie stage moved in recently to share expenses. Whatever. Who really cares anyway.

Not available in stores. Order your Shroudie today!