Paroled to Europe

In the spirit displayed by the Iranian president/madman that the Europeans should provide land for Jews in Europe if they feel so guilty about the Holocaust (and that didn't happen either--though it should have, the mullahs helpfully explain), I suggest that if Europeans are so upset about Saddam's removal that they provide Saddam his own little kingdom in Europe. When there is room in Europe for tiny principalities, why not a little triangle of Sunni heaven carved out from the border region between France and Belgium? Saddamaco? Saddambourg? Saddamenstein?

Really. Saddam could be tried and convicted in Iraq and then exiled to his little kite-flying triangle with a suspended sentence and the promise of execution should he ever leave. Baathists who don't want to risk justice in Iraq could join him. Europeans should be happy that the death penalty won't be imposed on their favorite business partner.

And any Lefty who makes more than one comment in public recalling the happy days of Saddam's Iraq shall be exiled to live under the tender rule of a man they believe created such a secular heaven on earth. Make an ignorant comment about how Iraqi women had equal rights in Saddam's Iraq and you're off to your new home and enlightened despot faster than you can say "Halliburton."

And think of it! With one slip of the tongue, Alec Baldwin might finally make good his pledge to leave for Europe! CNN could open a bureau there to relive the glory days of their Iraq reporting! And France and Russia could finally get those Saddam-era contracts fulfilled! Hans Blix could even go inspecting again (with a similar chance of success). Jimmy Carter, naturally, would certify Saddam's elections. And just imagine the joy and trouser tents that would sprout on the Nobel committee when they realize they could give Saddam their peace prize!

All human shields from early 2003 would of course be sent Saddamland, too. You never can tell when America might strike! Sleep in those orphanages, shields! Aging hippies will halt our JDAMs when unfortunate tots will not.

Europe would guarantee Saddam's good behavior, right?

Wait. What am I thinking? In twenty years, Saddam would conquer Europe. Who would fight him?

Oh well. Like most of my fantasies, this one won't happen either. Though unlike most of my fantasies, Meg Ryan is not involved in this one. But that's perhaps more than you want to know about me.