The first of the author’s 10 rules for boys is to “Lose the Swagger, Kid.” Apparently, boys are prone to bad messages that tell them to be “hyper-macho” and the author seems to think that gentle, compassionate reading boys are the answer. I understand that the “thug culture” that tells boys to act like gangsters is not a good message. However, I wonder if she gets that boys are not girls and that male traits are often positive and natural.
And sometimes those male traits are needed.
I was born and raised in Detroit. I'm not claiming that I grew up in inner city poverty or anything. But I knew a kid who was shot. I was chased by police. I took some stitches in my head due to attack on a group I was in (I drew extra attention, it seems, by trying to fight back in the surprise attack). I saw a drug bust by the Mod Squad and instinctively knew how to react to gun fire. Our neighbors used a Molotov cocktail to settle a neighborhood dispute (not with my family).
In my neighborhood you needed a swagger.
I didn't really know I had it. But I did. Heck, it probably kept me from getting hazed as a freshman in my suburban high school. Eventually, classmates would ask me if Detroit was really as bad as they heard. I'd tell them, no, it's an exaggeration. For example, last week only 3 people in my neighborhood were killed and I only knew one personally. Eventually, they figured I was joking.
It wasn't until college that friends would tell me that I would get a "Detroit" accent when I drank. And I had the swagger. For Detroit it was the rolling shoulder walk. I don't know if that is universal. Mine was not as exaggerated as the droopy pants youths you might see. Heck, I was a skinny white kid. But it was there. Rather than being a sign of a thug culture exclusively, it is also a "don't ef with me" signal. You walk head up through terrain you don't know and you roll your shoulders as if you fear no evil though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Anything that sows some doubt and buys some time to get through hostile territory is valuable.
Mind you, my first line of defense was avoiding hostile territory. I wasn't a fool who thought my skinny frame scared many--if any--for long if I was walking a certain way. But sowing doubt for even 10 seconds could get you out of the danger zone.
I don't walk that way now. I live in Ann Arbor. But even today if I am in unfamiliar territory, the rolling shoulder walk comes back naturally. It's kind of funny, actually. Heck, it doesn't even matter if I had a keep-away walk or if I thought I did. The need for it was clear.
Yes, gangster culture is destructive--if you aren't on gangster turf. You don't want to shoulder roll into your interview while wearing a suit--especially with droopy suit pants.
If you are in gangster turf, you do not want to lose the swagger. "Humility" is the same as "target" or "victim."
Lose the need to swagger and you lose the swagger. Don't kid yourself otherwise. Hey, maybe more security in poor areas would help more than just telling young men not to swagger.
