Just About Ready to Go Full Bounty Hunter on Gloria

[UPDATE 4: Wow, less than a day after my tremendous act of patience and forgiveness, today--31 JUL 13--some stupid law firm calls me to tell me they are calling about Gloria D. and that they are a collection agency. They want me to call them at 866-599-6068. So the name goes back up. Gloria D. has wrongly given me as a credit reference and if I ever find her ...]

[UPDATE: It has been a while since I've gotten any calls or mail for this woman, so in the spirit of generosity and I don't want to hear her name again, I'm getting rid of her name on this post.]

I am so close to becoming obsessed enough with a woman to track her down.

I've been getting phone calls for years from debt collectors searching for [Name Redacted]. I don't feel bad putting her name out there because according to the state education loan agency and a private loan collection company, Ms. Dunn listed me--with my phone number--as her primary contact person just in case the agencies need to get in touch with her about her loan.

Up until now, I haven't wanted to mention her name when I've noted this situation. What if she is the wronged party, I thought. But I did talk to one collection agent who explained that [Name Redacted] listed me as her related contact person. And another agent just left a message explaining the same thing.

And what really angers me is that I can't return the call to tell the agency to stop bothering me because to talk to a person I need to have information about the account to get through the phone tree. Oddly enough, I don't have any account or SSN information about a complete stranger. Quite the lacuna in their procedures, I'd say. Hitting zero for the operator did nothing. I didn't bother trying the Spanish language option for kicks.

Apparently, these collection agencies have reason to make lots and lots of calls to my house assuming I can get dear [Name Redacted] to contact these collection agencies to make sure whatever issues they have with [Name Redacted] are resolved. Why multiple collection agencies would be so eager to contact Ms. [Name Redacted]--perhaps Little Miss Stellar Credit Rating has overpaid her monthly loan statement and the agencies urgently need to send a refund check--I don't know. But I'm starting to think that if [Name Redacted] is counting on me to put these two star-crossed people together, that I should step up and do my duty as [Name Redacted] intended.

I have some time to spare. I might try to track her down since dear [Name Redacted] hasn't updated me with her most recent location information.

Perhaps I'll check the statutes to see if it is a crime to falsify information on loan papers with the state of Michigan.

Perhaps the Attorney General should be told about [Name Redacted]'s problem.

Perhaps I can suggest to a state legislator that the statutes need to be amended to make it a crime to provide false information on a loan application, if it is not already.

Perhaps a small claims action is in order once I find her. I could probably get the next collection agent to give me [Name Redacted]'s SSN and other information, couldn't I? If Dear [Name Redacted] trusts me enough to hold her credit life, surely a little private information is sharable? Well, it can't hurt to ask.

Or is this a case of stalking if [Name Redacted] has caused others to repeatedly call me in a harassing manner? I used to know a lot about that law. (Hey! It was my job to know it.) Perhaps I need to re-familiarize myself with the law.

I'll let you know just how pissed off I get about this.

And if [Name Redacted] is Googling her own name, she should know that I am so close to making sure that the authorities find out exactly where she lives.

To get this post higher on the search engines:

[Five lines of Name Redacted]

I'm a pretty laid back guy. But I am perfectly capable of latching on to a leg when I get really pissed off. I am so close to being seriously pissed off at [Name Redacted].