Friday, April 29, 2011

Eco-Revival Meeting

With worries about global warming sinking faster than a dog-paddling polar bear, it makes sense that the Greens would have Al the Captist lead a revival meeting to reinforce their faith so they can go forth and spread the Word:

Campus Greens had traveled from upstate New York to Washington, D.C., to Power Shift 2011, a biennial conference created by the Energy Action Coalition to organize environmentally conscious students across the country. The Wells Campus Greens came by car; others, like the Florida A&M University student government, came by giant, gas-guzzling bus. Erin Schley, from the College of St. Benedict in Minnesota, was excited about the weekend’s educational opportunities. “Essentially we’re here for the workshops,” she said, “and we’re planning to take it back to campus and just spread the word, literally.”

One can almost hear Al the Captist's burning faith as he gave his fire and brimstone speech:

“Because, as the temperature has gone up, warmer air has started holding much more moisture,” he explained, and some of the students, knowing a college lecture when they hear one, started fidgeting in their seats. “And when the storm conditions cause a downpour, much more of it falls at the same time, so you get these big flood events. And, partly because of the same phenomena, you’re seeing a longer period of time between the downpours in many areas, and the same temperatures drive down the soil moisture, so you’re getting these intense, prolonged extensive droughts at the same time.” At this point, more than a few necks had craned down toward cell phones. Gore went on.

It was only when he threatened locusts as an additional plague that the crowd really got fired up and sang their battle hymn of faith.

Now go and emit no more.

UPDATE: Gaia smites the deniers.