Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Now Go and Emit No More

Althouse is astonished that global warmers are affirming their faith in climate change despite the Climategate emails and code.

"Affirm? We're doing affirmations now? "Skeptics"... affirmations... is this religion?"

Why, yes. Yes it is a religion.

Affirmation of faith is just the tip of the iceberg floating away from the poles to destroy us all.


The Green Pope: Al Gore.

The Anti-Gore: George W. Bush.

Their bible: The IPCC report.

Their prophets: James Hansen and Michael Mann, among others. President Obama himself has promised to heal the planet and make the waters recede

They have loyal scribes in the media like Andrew Revkin hand-copying the texts of the prophets and their acolytes brought down from the mountain tops.

Their original sin that taints us all: Use of carbon--specifically oil and coal that emit carbon in large amounts--rather than the bite of an apple.

They have churches: Organic markets and re-use stores.

They even have revival meetings, like the mass "conference" going on in Copenhagen. Or in Kyoto. Just no tents--five star hotels, natch.

Not enough? I'm just getting started, baby!

Their religious order monks toil away secretly in monestaries, debating figurative angels on pinheads, in places like the East Anglia Climatic Research Institute, NASA, EPA, and Penn State.

They even have their own holiday! In a combination of Easter and Christmas, this religion has Earth Day.

They have holy relics: The mythical "hockey stick."  The East Anglia Shroud of Data that nobody can examine. An Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth."

And do I have to mention how much they loved burning Bush?

They have their monuments, too: Solar cell farms and wind mills. And the Prius, of course (PBUI).

Sacraments? Of course! Mindlessly sorting green, brown, and clear glass before throwing it out. Recycling oracles at the curb for their sinful paper offerings. And composting muck to really show you're in deep. Don't forget gazing at twisty light bulbs instead of rows of little candles!

For those who can't live the green lifestyle in purity, they can buy carbon offset indulgences to clear the decks of eco-sin and allow even private jets and mansions to be colored green.

Incantations for the masses, too: Instead of "Amen" and "Thanks be to God," this religion has "Consensus" and "Peer Review." And for high ceremonies, "The Science is Settled."

They even have banned chapters of their bible written by earlier believers, but now deemed heresy.

The Warmist Inquisition, of course, is reserved for use against individuals and journals that stray from the true faith. The faithful will redefine peer review journals and blacklist writers to keep the faith pure.

As for the ignorant masses who persist in heresy? They are "deniers." Some, ah, "over-enthusiastic" believers have dreamed of arresting, trying and punishing (but not always in that order) these people for crimes against the climate.

Why this alarmism and extemism? Because end times are nigh if we don't end our evil ways. We face either burning in Hell on Earth with runaway rising temperatures or drowning in a new flood. Heck, they're already testing an Ark. Or we might all freeze because of global warming. Whatever. The important thing is that bad things will happen if we don't stop sinning. Now!

And last but not least, they have their Devil: Beelezecarbon. In all it's forms, seductive though it may be with air conditioning and all that.

So yes, Professor Althouse, yes it is a religion.

Now go and emit no more.