The EU is springing in to action as Horn of Africa piracy continues:
The EU (European Union) is seeking a Somali pirate cultural advisor. The recruiting ad makes it clear that the successful applicant must be able to give expert advice on how Somali culture influences and sustains piracy, and be knowledgeable about how the Somali pirates currently operate.
Somali pirates take small boats filled with Khat-fueled, armed young men and board merchant shipping to hold the ship, crew, and cargo for ransom. Often, the pirates use mother ships (often captured fishing vessels) to send the small boats farther out to sea. They fear neither prosecution (prisons probably are like Club Med to them--especially if the score a Western conviction) nor death since everyone seems to cringe at the thought of killing the precious darlings.
So I've clearly demonstrated that I am knowledgeable about how the pirates operate.
For my cultureal advice:
- Pirate culture prizes money and food.
- Somalis pirate culture has not taken the path of Western pirates of old. Very few say "Arrrr!" or "Matey". They do not bury their treasure in wooden boxes on desert islands, prefering to spend their cash (never called "booty") on iPhones and Johnny Walker Red. And Khat. Lots of Khat. Somali pirates do not keep parrots as pets.
- Pirate culture results in pirates who cannot swim very far. If you set them adrift in a small boat far from shore, they will become very unhappy. Before they die.
- Pirate culture prefers targets that do not resist even passively when confronted with a pirate attack.
- Pirate culture does not like bullets flying at and into them. It prevents them from getting money and food, and otherwise spoils their fun. On the bright side, being shot seems to be prefered over floating at sea with no land on the horizon and no engine in their small former pirate boat.
- Pirate culture places no value on the pirates' lives. No pirate boss will ever pay ransom to get a captured pirate back from a Western navy that has captured a pirate.
- Pirate culture hates Navy SEALs. They're not fond of French special forces, either.
- Pirate culture has gained an appreciation that .50 caliber bullets will pierce the hulls of their small pirate boats. They are very sensitive on this point. They do not like it.
- Pirate culture, which is focused on money and food, finds that death is bad. Even if you have money and food from past piracy, death just means that your former pals go through all your things and take what you had for themselves. Even the most committed progressive cannot argue that killing pirates just creates more pirates.
- Pirate culture has learned to appreciate that some segments of the West can be fooled into thinking that the pirates are merely trying to protect Somalia's bounty by scaring away illegal fishermen and toxic waste dumpers, and are nothing more than a form of a coast guard by concerned local boaters. Think of it as community organizing with lots of Bill Ayerses at the helm.
So there you go. My free pirate cultural advice.
Oh, in Western culture, the tradition was once to sink pirate vessels on sight and hang any pirates captured on the spot.
