My Feng Must Not Shui

James Lileks, peace be upon him and all that, speaks heresy as far as I'm concerned:

Me, I’d like to get rid of every single book I have, except for twenty or so. I would like them all scanned and digitized and accessible via iPad, thank you. Yes, yes, the argument about the love of books; I love them too. The love of being surrounded by your library? Yes yes. But. I would be more likely to dip into something if it was incorporeal. On the shelf, they all seem to reproach me: you don’t remember me, do you? All that time we spent together. But I remember the good times; isn’t that enough? Really: if I could, I’d reduce everything to a big desk in a white room with a shelf holding just a few books. The obligations of possessions, the accretion of things: it’s enough to make a Buddhist of me.

Good grief. Let's not even step into the debate about how books without physical form are just "information," as far as I'm concerned--not "books."

No, my concern is home decor.

If all my books and whatnot were just digital, what would I do with the eighteen nineteen (I forgot the printer stand that has two shelves of stuff under it) stand-alone shelves in my home? Sure, some have toys or board games or video discs (and yes, CDs and even tapes--but my old vinyl albums are relegated to a place on the floor, having long ago lost their shelfworthy status), but most have books on them. What would I do without bookshelves? My God, people, I don't even begin to know what I'd do with a credenza!

I already fear the day when televisions and stereos are a single quarter inch-thick panel that goes on the wall--leaving me to toss the furniture that holds those items into the trash.

What's next? No end tables to hold lamps because we get our lighting from a luminous cloud that hovers near the ceiling and follows us around, clumping near us and intensifying to make sure we can see everything wherever we go?

Start on this path and inevitabley we get to retractable furniture that disappears into the walls and floors. And we are officially living in space colony simulators. Live like that and 69 days trapped underground is a vacation, and a trip to Mars will only be mildly annoying near the end.

So I say no to abandoning physical books. It isn't just that I have, as near as I can recall, about 70 books to read (and one more arrived today ...), making it pure madness for me to even think of getting an e-reader for digital books that I don't have.

No, it's a matter of making sure I have understandable furniture in my home. Good grief people, what is a curio! Does anybody without a butler need one? What side does a sideboard go on? Any why does it go anywhere?

Shelves I understand. Don't take away the stuff I put on them. I'm but a heterosexual male. Have pity.