Friday, October 09, 2009

Klaatu Baracko Nikto

On the day that America bombed the moon, without a UN authorizing resolution I assume, the vanguard of the sainted international community has bestowed the Nobel Peace Prize on President Obama:

President Barack Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize on Friday in a stunning decision designed to encourage his initiatives to reduce nuclear arms, ease tensions with the Muslim world and stress diplomacy and cooperation rather than unilateralism.

Nobel observers were shocked by the unexpected choice so early in the Obama presidency, which began less than two weeks before the Feb. 1 nomination deadline.

Shocked, indeed. I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

But the Nobel Peace Prize is not as surprising as when Ed McMahon showed up at the White House an hour later with a giant check for the president! Who knew you don't even have to enter to already be a winner!

This comes on top of his recent Masters win, though he never competed for it.

And even though the NHL season has just begun, rumor has it that our president is already a contender for the Lady Byng Memorial Trophy.

Not that there hasn't been controversy over failing to win awards. Of course there was the Chicago Olympics flop. But who can forget Kanye West's interruption of Taylor Swift at the 2009 MTV Music Video Awards to announce that Barack Obama had one of the best videos of all time and should have won?

For those of you who might mock the president's receipt of this honor despite a lack of accomplishments, pointing out the nominees passed over who have truly struggled for peace, give me a break! Those people may have worked hard and even achieved much, but where's their potential? I mean, name one speech they've given? No answers for that, eh wise guys?

Ultimately, given that President Obama was president for about a week and a half before the Nobel nomination deadline and wasn't even sure how to distinguish between doors and windows in the place, our president was selected for not being President Bush. President Obama was simply selected for being there in the White House. CNN is surely disappointed that it didn't wait another week before "fact-checking" a comedy skit that mocked the president for achieving so little. Had they only known! A Nobel Prize! Take that, you NeoComics!

But what of accomplishments for peace? Our president retreats from enemies and abandons friends and allies, yet this appalling record and plan represents the potential for peace? Truly, where the President makes a desert, the Nobel committee calls it peace.

The irony of this is that by giving the president an honor he clearly has not earned, people around the world may learn to despise him and America for this farce.

Sure, I've joked that our president would get the Nobel Peace Prize if he ever nuked North Korea or Iran, but in reality the prize was probably all about restraining President Obama when it comes to dealing with Iran in the coming months. Like I started out with, Klaatu Baracko nikto--the Norwegians believe they will save us from ourselves and our nuclear weapons.

This just isn't funny, actually. No good can come of it. The world is celebrating our neutering and too many Americans think it is an honor.