President Obama reminded us of all the contributions that bears have made to Western civilization and culture, decrying crude stereotypes "before he was president" that portrayed bears as greedy picnic basket stealers:
Source: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/YogiBear
And, of course, our president's determination to save the polar bears from drowning was a concrete demonstration of our new commitment to restore our reputation in the Ursine world.
I'm pleased to announce that this outreach has paid great dividends, with Ursine forces now fighting side-by-side against jihadis with no caveats impeding their contribution:
In Indian Kashmir, an Islamic terrorist leader, and one of his followers was killed by a black bear. Two other terrorists were wounded, but were able to flee to a nearby village. Although the terrorists were armed with assault rifles, the bear attacked quickly, and at night, and the men were unable to use their weapons in the restricted confines of the cave.
Score one for hope and change.
UPDATE: We're proving to be a bad ally for Britain? Ah, screw the Brits, eh? Why would we give them the time of day when we have thug regimes to woo?
Who needs our best ally? We've got some friggin' awesome bears, now.
UPDATE: Yes, yes. No need to remind me that George W. Bush constantly referred to bears as the "carnivores of peace." But it's still his fault we didn't have bear help back then--everyone--and every bear--knows those were just words, and he secretly wanted their skins on the Oval Office floor.
UPDATE: Ursine slaughter porn isn't helping our efforts to cultivate our new bear allies. But consider the source--the Brits. Clearly they're trying to regain their prime alliance spot by alienating the bears.
OK, I promise I'll stop beating this dead bear. Post over.
