We got a champion barista to rank the sub-par coffee your parents drink[.]
When I got to this, I re-checked the URL to see if this was a story by The Onion:
So to see if any of these coffees are actually good to the last drop, we asked Lorenzo Perkins, certified coffee instructor at Cuvée and executive council member of the Barista Guild of America [...]
One, "certified coffee instructor?" Two, "Barista Guild of America?" Not a "union?" Not an "association?" A "guild?" What's next? The Order of the Blessed Virgin Beans of Seattle to wage holy war on Dunkin Donuts and Tim Horton's?
Wait. There's more:
Coffee testing ("cupping") is an exhausting process. Using a direct pour-over method, five cups of each roast are brewed in order to account for irregularities within a batch of beans.
"Cupping?" Are you kidding me?
This simply has to be a parody article, right? It's just too funny to be real people really this worked up about coffee and so into it that they actually can't bear to drink any more store-brand coffee during the course of the test.
But it isn't. I checked.
There really are people who want beans organically processed through the colons of rare mammals and ground on the spot by guild-certified baristas who, 7 years after graduating from college, are still making coffee for a living.
Which has a certain logic, you have to admit. After paying so much for a college degree that they can't use to get a job, they do kind of need people to pay $10 per cup of coffee to make those minimum student loan payments, eh?
But what's your excuse for paying so much? For coffee. Is your self-esteem really so low that you need the approval of certified coffee instructors to start your day?
Me? Time to get another cup from the pot of Kroger brand coffee I brewed two hours ago. The whole pot probably cost me 30 cents (including energy and water costs). Although I admit there is no frothy hot milk on top.
I just need caffeine in the morning.
Tip to Instapundit.
