Sunday, August 03, 2014

A Milestone of Success

Soccer fans abroad and on the left side of the political aisle like to say Americans should get with the program and embrace soccer. I'd like to suggest a milestone in judging that embrace.

Yesterday, Michigan Stadium hosted a European soccer game to set the US record for a crowd watching a soccer game:

The Big House also set the attendance record for a hockey match when it hosted 105,491 for the NHL Winter Classic between the Toronto Maple Leafs and Detroit Red Wings on January 1 of this year. The stadium's record for an American football game was set by Michigan's 41-30 win over Notre Dame last year, which had an attendance of 115,109.

Had I taken Mister, the 109,318 attendence would have gone up by two. I helped set the other records they note.

As for the soccer game?

One, they had the largest beer tent I have ever seen set up across the street at a high school.

The only impact on me was that the post-game traffic nearly kept me from leaving my home that evening. Luckily, all the out-of-towners did not realize that the center turn lane became a left turn lane at the major road leading to the freeway, allowing me to bypass the solid line of vehicles blocking my access into the main lanes by sailing up the center lane just about up to the turn I needed to make. Hah!

Two, Mister had no interest in seeing the game despite his enthusiasm for the World Cup. He remains an American football fan. Indeed, he was a little annoyed that soccer fans might have soiled "our" seats. Because, football.

Perhaps the university will hose down the benches before football season starts, I offered.

But I digress, except to highlight that the embrace is not here yet.

I've already predicted that the world will stop insisting we embrace soccer the moment our national team threatens to actually win a World Cup.

Our left (I don't mean to claim only those on the left like soccer, mind you) which complains that America doesn't embrace soccer will no longer love soccer the moment America does embrace soccer.

We'll know America has embraced soccer when the Left's Women's Auxiliary (Feminists) put out reports about how spouse abuse skyrockets during World Cup games. That will be a real milestone of success rather than a new record attendence to watch a soccer game. I'm reasonably sure that the Big House could sell out for a curling match.

If there is a beer tent.

But until that attack on soccer and male soccer fans take place, America's left-leaning soccer fans who now profess despair of our nation ever emulating the projectile-vomiting, soccer hooligans who love the elegance and style of soccer will ignore the obvious warning signs of soccer objectification of women:

That's from the 2010 World Cup. They make NFL cheerleaders look like they dance in burqas.

I'd best end this post now. My resolve is weakening. I'll be in my bunk. Because, futball.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.