The President's Outreach Speech to the American People

President Obama will speak to the American people on Tuesday to make his case for attacking an Arab Moslem state from the air.

Aides speaking off the record said that the president will argue to this alien audience that his experience living in a Moslem country, his middle name "Hussein", and a Nobel Peace Prize make him uniquely qualified to bomb the living daylights out of an Arab state without provoking outrage in San Francisco, the Upper West Side, and pretty much anywhere on the Arab Street.

"Only Nixon can go to China?" the aide asked derisively. "That's child's play. Only Obama can carpet bomb Damascus. Now that's statesmanship."

UPDATE: You think I'm kidding? Hollywood is uninterested in vocally demonstrating their moral outrage.