Wednesday, October 16, 2002

The Results Are In!

Yes, political junkies, the suspense is over. The Iraqis have announced the results of their election. Every single registered voter cast a ballot. An amazing percentage. Not one registered voter was out of town on business or visiting relatives. Not one was in the hospital suffering from lack of medicine. Not one was on their deathbed suffering from the results of depleted uranium munitions. Not one was lingering on their death bed because they had no x-ray machines or blood transfusion. Nobody was ministering to a sick child or elderly relative. Nobody was too weak from lack of food. Not one even forgot to vote. Everyone voted.

Either Saddam is exaggerating the turnout just a teensy bit or he is completely lying about the effects of sanctions. Or both.

Just as amazing, Saddam received 100% of the vote! Nobody was confused by the yes or no ballot. Nobody got too nervous to vote. Nobody voted for a protest candidate. No votes were lost. I bet Jimmy Carter will praise the orderly nature of the vote.

I really hope this is material for a Saturday Night Live skit. I gave my best shot at Landfill yesterday.

Seriously, who is fooled by this charade? Certainly not the Iraqis. Certainly not us. Will the UN be fooled? Is Saddam fooled? Does he really think he was just endorsed? Do his aides tell him he is loved and the people will die fighting house-to-house for him? If so, invasion is inevitable. "Voters" may shed a little blood to mark their ballots but I guarantee they won’t shed any in his defense when our heavy armor rolls in.