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Thursday, August 04, 2005

Is Zawahiri Haggling?

This can't be serious. Zawahiri included this in his latest rant:

"Our message is clear: You will not be safe until you withdraw from our land, stop stealing our oil and wealth and stop supporting the corrupt rulers," al-Zawahiri said.

We're stealing their oil? No wonder the Chinese want to buy our oil companies! They're getting quite a mark up based on what I pay at the pump.

But really, isn't Zawahiri confused? Didn't we stop supporting corrupt Moslem rulers? I mean, we ousted two and are working on others.

As for leaving. I think everyone is agreed that we want to get out. The question is how we leave, really.

And isn't whatever wealth he is referring to come from our buying their oil? I mean, if we didn't burn the stuff--a lot of it--the countries with oil would pay us to remove it as a brownfield site. I mean really, if you want to talk real anger, think of what Zawahiri would say if we actually could stop buying oil from the Middle East. Talk about anger! Talk about inciting talk of plots to impoverish them? What else have they got that we want?

This is just bizarre haranging, isn' it? If I think about it, however, since the oil thing makes no sense given that they have no use for it and it would just be a pollutant if we hadn't found a use for oil, perhaps Zawahiri is just engaging in shrewd bazaar haggling. You know, "You insult me by offering $60 per barrel! My children will starve if you steal from me like this!"

He just wants a better price.

So in the spirit of haggling, "Zawahiri, your very face revolts me. I hit you with my shoe and wish evil upon you and all your minions!"

I wish I had minions. Always wanted them. But I digress.