Cancel culture has thrown companies into panic.
Until one band of plucky industry social media interns refused to be canceled:
The Bridge of Woke
[gurgle]
GALAHAD: There it is!
ARTHUR: The Bridge of Woke!
ROBIN: Oh, great.
ARTHUR: Look! There's the old man from AOL!
BEDEVERE: What is he doing here?
ARTHUR: He is the keeper of the Bridge of Woke. He asks each CEO five questions--
GALAHAD: Three questions.
ARTHUR: Three questions. They who answers the five questions--
GALAHAD: Three questions.
ARTHUR: Three questions may profit in safety.
ROBIN: What if you get a question wrong?
ARTHUR: Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Cancellation.
ROBIN: Oh, I won't go.
GALAHAD: Who's going to answer the questions?
ARTHUR: Sir Robin!
ROBIN: Yes?
ARTHUR: Brave Sir Robin, you go.
ROBIN: Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Lancelot go?
LANCELOT: Yes. Let me go, my liege. I will ratio him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the Hitler-comparison that s--
ARTHUR: No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Just answer the five questions--
GALAHAD: Three questions.
ARTHUR: Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and Tweet.
LANCELOT: I understand, my liege.
ARTHUR: Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot. Virtue be with you.
TWEETKEEPER: Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Woke must answer me these questions three, ere the other side they see.
LANCELOT: Ask me the questions, tweetkeeper. I am not afraid.
TWEETKEEPER: What ... is your name?
LANCELOT: My name is 'Sir Lancelot of Camelot'.
TWEETKEEPER: What ... is your quest?
LANCELOT: To seek the Social Justice.
TWEETKEEPER: What ... is your gender?
LANCELOT: Male.
TWEETKEEPER: Right. Off you go.
LANCELOT: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
ROBIN: That's easy!
TWEETKEEPER: Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Woke must answer me these questions three, ere the other side they see.
ROBIN: Ask me the questions, tweetkeeper. I'm not afraid.
TWEETKEEPER: What ... is your name?
ROBIN: 'Sir Robin of Camelot'.
TWEETKEEPER: What ... is your quest?
ROBIN: To seek the Social Justice.
TWEETKEEPER: What ... is the gender of Elliot Page in 2015?
[pause]
ROBIN: I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!
TWEETKEEPER: Stop! What ... is your name?
GALAHAD: 'Sir Galahad of Camelot'.
TWEETKEEPER: What ... is your quest?
GALAHAD: I seek the Social Justice.
TWEETKEEPER: What ... is your gender?
GALAHAD: Male. No, Questio-- auuuuuuuugh!
TWEETKEEPER: Zhe zhim heh. Stop! What... is your name?
ARTHUR: It is 'Arthur', King of the Interns.
TWEETKEEPER: What ... is your quest?
ARTHUR: To seek the Social Justice.
TWEETKEEPER: What ... is the gender of a cis-male lesbian?
ARTHUR: What do you mean? An African or European lesbian?
TWEETKEEPER: Huh? I-- I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh!
BEDEVERE: How do know so much about cis-male lesbians?
ARTHUR: Well, you have to know these things when you're an intern, you know.
[suspenseful music]
Well, it's just a model. But my thanks to these folks for the original script dialog.
