A New York congressman is begging Goldman Sachs not to leave New York City for Florida:
Rep. Thomas Suozzi’s message to the (likely) soon-to-be departing financial firm Goldman Sachs had the sound of an 80s love ballad: don’t go, baby.
“Please don’t leave us,” the New York congressman said on CNBC following news that the multibillion-dollar investment bank is likely to bolt New York City for Florida. “We’re in a desperate time in New York right now. We need you. You’re important to us. We want you to stay.”
There really is a song for this. But an older one that has attracted a Twitter cancel mob is more appropriate.
Baby, It's Broke Outside
[Verse 1: Goldman Sachs & Rep. Suozzi]
I really can't stay (But, baby, it's broke outside)
I've got to get away (But, baby, it's broke outside)
This city has been (Been hoping that you'd drop in)
So like a heist (I'll hold your cash, it's just so nice)
My shareholders start to worry (Tax cow, what's your hurry?)
My CEO's pacing the floor (Listen to the protesters roar)
So, city, I'd better scurry (Tax cow, please don't hurry)
But maybe just a half a riot more (Hire some guards at your door)
The clients might think (Baby, it's bad down there)
Say, what's with this fee? (No Broadway to find down there)
I wish I knew how (Your revenue's like starlight now)
To break this Hell (I'll take your cash, your mayor looks swell)
I ought to say, "No safety at all" (Mind if I squeeze you harder?)
At least I'm gonna say that I cried (What's the sense of hurtin' my budget?)
[Chorus: Goldman Sachs, Rep. Suozzi & Both]
I really can't stay
(Oh, baby, don't pull out)
Baby, it's broke outside
[Verse 2: Goldman Sachs & Rep. Suozzi]
I simply must go (But, baby, it's broke outside)
The answer is no (But, baby, it's broke outside)
Your arson has been (How lucky FDNY dropped in)
So nice and woke (Look out to sea at the storms)
My CFO is suspicious (Gosh your profits look delicious)
My brokers will be there at the door (knaves upon the five-borough shore)
The SEC's mind is vicious (Gosh your profits are delicious)
But maybe just a tax credit more (Never such a deficit before)
I've gotta get out (But, baby, you'd burn down there)
Say, extend me a credit (It's just killer bees down there)
I've already been banned (I thrill when you fill my coffers)
But don't you see? (How can you do this thing to me?)
There's bound to be riots tomorrow (Think of my budgetary sorrow)
At least there will be plenty of space (If you find a Florida Man and die)
Baby it's broke outside. The company needs to run before New York legislates an exit tax.
Thanks to these people for the original lyrics.
