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Wednesday, July 31, 2019

How Do You Know He's a Nazi (Before You Punch Him)?

This article by Dennis Prager inspired some whimsy amidst the carnage of insanity that the turn-it-to-11 Resistance has spawned.



TWITTER: We have found a Nazi, might we hate him?

SOCIAL MEDIA: Hate him! Hate!

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: How do you know he is a Nazi?

GOOGLE: He looks like one.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Bring him forward.

NAZI: I'm not a Nazi. I'm not a Nazi.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: But you are dressed as one.

NAZI: They dressed me up like this.

SOCIAL MEDIA: No, we didn't -- no.

NAZI: And this isn't my Hitler mustache, it's a false one.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Well?

TWITTER: Well, we did do the mustache.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: The mustache?

TWITTER: And the swastika -- but he is a Nazi!

SOCIAL MEDIA: Hate him! Nazi! Nazi! Hate him!

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Did you dress him up like this?

SOCIAL MEDIA: No, no... no... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.

TWITTER: He has got a MAGA hat.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: What makes you think he is a Nazi?

FACEBOOK: Well, he turned me into a victim.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: A victim?

FACEBOOK: I got better.

GOOGLE: Hate him anyway!

SOCIAL MEDIA: Hate! Hate him!

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether he is a Nazi.

SOCIAL MEDIA: Are there? What are they?

GOOGLE: Do they hurt?

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Tell me, what do you do with Nazis?

GOOGLE: Hate!

SOCIAL MEDIA: Hate, hate them out!

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: And what do you hate apart from Nazis?

TWITTER: More Nazis!

GOOGLE: Conservatives!

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: So, why do you hate conservatives?

[pause]

FACEBOOK: B--... 'cause they're opposed to our policies?

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Good!

SOCIAL MEDIA: Oh yeah, yeah.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: So, how do we tell whether he disagrees with your policies?

TWITTER: Listen for his dog whistles.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Aah, but can you not also hear the voices in your head?

GOOGLE: Oh, yeah.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Does a conservative hate Trump?

TWITTER: No, no.

GOOGLE : He votes for him! He votes!

TWITTER: Throw him into the basket of deplorables!

SOCIAL MEDIA: The basket!

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: What also belongs in the basket?

TWITTER: Men!

GOOGLE: Russians!

FACEBOOK: Boys!

TWITTER: Soldiers!

GOOGLE: Uhhh, white women!

TWITTER: High school grads!

GOOGLE: Gun owners!

FACEBOOK: Churches -- churches!

GOOGLE: Founding fathers -- forefathers!

MADDOW: A Republican.

SOCIAL MEDIA: Oooh.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Exactly! So, logically...

TWITTER: If... he... believes the same things as a Republican... he's a conservative.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: And therefore?

TWITTER: A Nazi!

SOCIAL MEDIA: A Nazi! A Nazi! A Nazi!

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: We shall use my largest fact check!

[tweeting]

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Right, remove the sanity!

[like] [retweet]

SOCIAL MEDIA: A Nazi! A Nazi!

NAZI: It's a fair cop.

SOCIAL MEDIA: Hate him! Hate him!

[tweeting]

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of hate?

MADDOW: I am Maddow, King of the Crazies.

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: My liege!

MADDOW: Good Zhir pundit, will you come with me to 2020, and join us at the Election Desk?

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: My liege! I would be honored.

MADDOW: What is your name?

MAINSTREAM MEDIA: The media, my liege.

MADDOW: Then I dub you Woke Media, Pundit of the Election Desk.

Thanks to these people for the script of the original.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't link to my Smells Like Woke Spirit song parody.