Real men don’t paint their basements in Butterscotch Tempest. They colour the walls with Beer Time.
CIL Paints has launched Canada’s first “paint colours for men” collection, Ultimate Man Caves, designed to get men more excited about painting projects. Or, judging by the chosen names, at least get the Canadian paint company some free publicity.
I'm voting the latter. I won't claim to be the manliness of men. I have but two power tools and I realize that this is inadequate. In my own defense one is a multi-tool and I lack either a basement or a garage.
But when I think of colors, I go through red, blue, green, yellow, pink, black, white, brown, gray, purple,... orange! Ok, that's it--oops. That's eleven. Wait, tan! Twelve. I'm not even up to a basic crayon box of 16 colors. But what else do you need? Really, even "tan" is a chick color. It's really just light brown. Isn't it?
That's how real men deal with colors. It is reddish--orange. Or dark blue. Or light brown. I have no idea what "Beer Time" is! Is it black or tan or whitish-tan (if you have a Bud Light)? Or does Beer Time imply something greenish if you are worshipping the porcelain throne after too much beer time? I have not idea. Shoot, at least Butterscotch Tempest offers a clue. I've seen buttescotch candy. So it is yellow of some sort, right? But how does Tempest affect that? Is it lighter? Darker? A hint of gray mixed in? Who on God's green Earth knows that?
No real man would. A girl will remember what complicated combination of colors from the limited palette that we men have goes into Zombie Apocalypse--and know what colors complement it. Does Beer Time? No clue, quite honestly.
Nor do I have any interest in understanding. This is just an evil corporate plot to give women ammunition to drag their significant male other to a paint store when we really couldn't care less what the color of our basement walls is (off white is best, if you ask) and we care only as far as insisting that the project doesn't interfere with sports on television.
Seriously, do you wonder why skimpy women's underwear seems to be sold in red, white, and black? That's about the limit we can handle. If it's skimpy, we're cool.
Only women will know these new colors, and so they will simply become girl colors. We men are going to stick with the basic box of crayons (well others who can think of 4 more basic colors than I can will stick with that). Look, the fact that a girl (well, an adult woman, but let's not stray far from caveman writing) thinks "Zombi Apocalypse" sounds cute is a dead giveaway (so to speak).
