Anyway, after the last episode some years ago, I thought I had the problems solved when I accidentally called the debt collection agency. They said they'd stop calling me. And they did. Apparently, that company sold the account.
This year, I think, I started getting collection letters for GD. I even returned one to their New York headquarters, writing on the letter "not at this address." Interestingly, a week or so later, I noticed that someone from New York searched for my name and home town on Google, and then searched my blog for GD. Obviously, they found nothing. I hoped that would settle this new campaign of annoyance.
But no. Now I find that somebody called "Accounts Receivable Management" has the GD account. At least they recently started identifying themselves as a debt collection company. Until recently they just asked for GD. Now, I won't speak to the issue of whether the calls from the company fall within wither state or federal debt collection limitations. I'm no attorney and won't make that judgment. But I think I can speak to the effectiveness of hiring such a company to recover your debts when they can't seem to accurately find that person.
What really gets me this round is that the recording tells me to hang up if I am not GD. I have done that many times. But the calls continue at all hours (although not when I'm sleeping, I'll say). And then the recording tells me, "If you are not GD, hang up or delete this message. By continuing to listen, you acknowledge you are GD." (That's the gist, anyway. I won't swear that it is a complete verbatim transcript, although I did take notes on the messages.)
So I've hung up numerous times and deleted their message, therefore indicating that I am not GD. I take them at their word that they are abiding by their own instructions and assumptions. They must now know I am not GD. Yet they keep calling.
I have no alternative but to assume that they believe I am an expert on GD, her account, and her location. So I'm strongly thinking of sending a letter to their business office along these lines:
Dear Sir or Madam,
You have repeatedly called my home phone number (ABC-XYZ-1234) in search of a Ms. GD, who apparently owes money to you or one of your clients. Per your instructions on how to indicate that I am not GD, I have repeatedly hung up or deleted the message providing confidential information to me about GD. Yet the calls continue. These calls and contacts take up my time on a regular basis.
I can only conclude that you believe I am an expert on the location and account of Ms. GD and that you wish to retain my services to resolve your GD problem. If you do not wish to retain my services as a consultant on Ms. GD, please indicate your intention to not retain my services by ceasing all efforts to call or contact me.
By continuing to call or write me in search of information about Ms. GD, you acknowledge that you have retained my services as a consultant based on your belief that I am a GD expert on issues concerning your account. My consulting fee is a reasonable $250.00 (Two hundred and fifty dollars) per hour, billed in 15 (fifteen) minute increments.
Services I may provide include providing any information I have regarding Ms. GD, her account, and credit history; as well as time spent communicating with your company regarding this account and my consulting services. Receiving inquiries, diligently taking notes on your communications to further my work, and erasing, destroying, or otherwise securing your communications to keep sensitive and confidential information out of the public are services that I proudly provide. I may even provide, if I think it necessary based on your belief in my expertise on collection matters related to GD, send to you publicly available state of Michigan and federal collection agency practice statutes, for use by your legal department in order to help you in your collection practices. You're welcome in advance.
This account is open ended and for your convenience, there is no need to cancel or renew this agreement. My rates last through a calendar year. Should my consulting rates change at that point, I will send you a notice of increase for the new calendar year.
I will bill Accounts Receivable Management on a monthly basis for services provided in the previous month. Invoices will be sent out on or about the fifth of the month via USPS for the previous month's services. Bills will be due on the 21st of the same month they are mailed. Disputes over my billing shall be handled in Small Claims Court in Ann Arbor or, if the amount justifies it, in either the District or Circuit Courts.
Thank you for choosing Brian J. Dunn for your GD consulting needs. I look forward to doing business with you (as long as your checks clear).
Very Truly Yours,
Brian J. Dunn
Or I suppose I could just file a complaint with the State Attorney General's office. We'll see how entrepreneurial I'm feeling over the next month or so.
