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Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Airport Security

Are we fighting sick bastards, or what?

This has been expected:

The U.S. government has warned domestic and international airlines that some terrorists are considering surgically implanting explosives into humans to carry out attacks, The Associated Press has learned.

There is no intelligence pointing to a specific plot, but the U.S. shared its concerns last week with executives at domestic and international carriers.

People traveling to the U.S. from overseas may experience additional screening at airports because of the threat, according to the Transportation Security Administration.

"These measures are designed to be unpredictable, so passengers should not expect to see the same activity at every international airport," TSA spokesman Nick Kimball said. "Measures may include interaction with passengers, in addition to the use of other screening methods such as pat-downs and the use of enhanced tools and technologies."

Other enhanced tools and technologies may include exploratory surgery for randomly chosen individuals with recent scars.

Homeland Security officials explained that the surgery option is purely a temporary measure until those Star Trek medical tricorders are perfected.

Until then, air travellers have been told to arrive at the airport no less than four days before their flight. They should be prepared to spend approximately three days recovering in the airport waiting areas while the anesthesia wears off and the scar heals a bit before being allowed to board their flight.

Small children under the age of 12 and frail elderly may avoid surgery performed off to the side of the security line behind a canvas screen and instead be squeezed up and down their bodies by large, strong TSA screeners trained to detect any foreign objects within the body.