Live Free or Die Hard

I work in a high rise office building. Bruce Willis would be proud of me.

Yesterday, two co-workers stepped out of the elevator during the lunch hour coming back in with food when I was waiting with a friend to head out to lunch.

What they didn't do as they exited was warn us of the elevator malfunction. When I entered the car, the first step was a doozy, since the elevator hadn't risen the extra few inches to match the floor level.

So the doors close on us and I press the ground floor button. We start chatting as the comforting noise of whirring cables commences. But we soon realized the sounds are from neighboring cars. Ours was not moving. We pressed the ground floor button repeatedly. That did not work to get us moving. Even when we demonstrated our seriousness by jabbing the button a few more times.

At that point I am grateful I hit the bathroon before heading out to lunch. This could take a while.

We figured retreat was an option if we weren't going to move, and hit the "door open" button. The doors did not open.

Then we hit the floor below and the floor above. Nothing.

So I try to get signal to call my office to get help. Maybe someone can call for an elevator and we'll open up. No signal.

So she presses the alarm. No response. This is lunch hour. People have more important things to do than respond to an emergency signal. Probably kids playing, right?

She presses the red contact help button. Nothing. One never touches the red button, of course. Not until you really need that hotline to the jaws of life and the SWAT team that will come through the elevator roof on fast ropes to get us out. Apparently there is no team waiting to spring into action. Nobody even said "hello?" or anything.

So it was up to me. Relying on my brute manly strength (and delicate fingertips), I managed to get my fingers into the minor door gap, work them in deep enough to get some leverage (vaguely hoping the elevator didn't suddently start moving down, slamming me into the ceiling, or something), and then pulled the doors apart after a few nervous seconds of reistance while my manhood stood on the line. Failure was an option, as I well knew.

But it worked, the doors opened, and we stepped up and out to safety. We were free! And then trusted another elevator.

I do hope the rescue SWAT team wasn't too disappointed when they arrived and found no stranded office workers. After all, I handled the problem. With a vengeance.