Tomorrow 56 newspapers in 45 countries take the unprecedented step of speaking with one voice through a common editorial. We do so because humanity faces a profound emergency....This sounds so familiar:
Sadly, I quickly found I was not the first to think of this. Well played, Mr. Bartlett.
It's hard not to be impressed by all those conference attendees all focused on the entire planet's health, isn't it?
Well, it's not hard for me not to be impressed. But I'm cynical that way. Indeed, I wonder if the attendees can see the forest for the tree, upstanding individuals though they may be.
One tree in Siberia--selected for its implications rather than being representative of the forest--is the basis for our climate panic being dignified as a scientific conference in Copenhagen this month:
In other words, what has become arguably the most influential set of evidence used to support the case that the world faces unprecedented global warming, developed, copied and promoted hundreds of times, has now been as definitively kicked into touch as was Mann's "hockey stick" before it. Yet it is on a blind acceptance of this kind of evidence that 16,500 politicians, officials, scientists and environmental activists will be gathering in Copenhagen to discuss measures which, if adopted, would require us all in the West to cut back on our carbon dioxide emissions by anything up to 80 per cent, utterly transforming the world economy.
My British slang isn't up to par. I'll have to look up kicked into touch. Ah!
And what a conference of eco-minded individuals it will be!
Ms Jorgensen reckons that between her and her rivals the total number of limos in Copenhagen next week has already broken the 1,200 barrier. The French alone rang up on Thursday and ordered another 42. "We haven't got enough limos in the country to fulfil the demand," she says. "We're having to drive them in hundreds of miles from Germany and Sweden."
And the total number of electric cars or hybrids among that number? "Five," says Ms Jorgensen. "The government has some alternative fuel cars but the rest will be petrol or diesel. We don't have any hybrids in Denmark, unfortunately, due to the extreme taxes on those cars. It makes no sense at all, but it's very Danish."
The airport says it is expecting up to 140 extra private jets during the peak period alone, so far over its capacity that the planes will have to fly off to regional airports – or to Sweden – to park, returning to Copenhagen to pick up their VIP passengers.
As well 15,000 delegates and officials, 5,000 journalists and 98 world leaders, the Danish capital will be blessed by the presence of Leonardo DiCaprio, Daryl Hannah, Helena Christensen, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Prince Charles. A Republican US senator, Jim Inhofe, is jetting in at the head of an anti-climate-change "Truth Squad." The top hotels – all fully booked at £650 a night – are readying their Climate Convention menus of (no doubt sustainable) scallops, foie gras and sculpted caviar wedges.
And even the local hookers who see the delegate emissions spewing out all over Copenhagen (I meant "carbon", get out of the gutter!) are getting in the act ("My, you do have a large carbon footprint, don't you Mr. Gore!"):
Outraged by a council postcard urging delegates to "be sustainable, don't buy sex," the local sex workers' union – they have unions here – has announced that all its 1,400 members will give free intercourse to anyone with a climate conference delegate's pass.
Living the dream, eh? Private jets, limos, gourmet food, 5 star hotels, and free sex. Who wouldn't want to be a global warmer? I assume former President Clinton is working to get Al Gore's tickets since the latter said he won't attend after all.
But don't get all excited about your glamorous future as a climate change believer. The joys of Copenhagen (and the mansions the delegates return home to after) are restricted to the priesthood of the sect.
For the rest of us, we'll have eco-Trabants and will be denied even the simple joys of flimsy plastic bags that we've become accustomed to getting from stores in order to carry our non-gourmet groceries home.
I guess our climate betters figured that they needed to come up with a use for all those public radio cloth tote bags the little people have stuffed in closets across America.
