Making Nuclear War Environmentally Friendly

Should we ever be attacked with nuclear missiles and respond by unleashing our newly refurbished Minuteman III ICBMs to punish the attacker, rest assured that other than the radiation and blast effects, our missiles will be as safe and clean while they arc toward their targets as a nice hybrid SUV:

The shorter range can be attributed to Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) regulations. The old motors did not have to comply with EPA rules, the replacement ones do.

Nuclear missiles have EPA-compliant rocket engines. Really. Because we wouldn't want our missiles contributing to pollution, or anything.

This is the stupidest thing I've read all week. And that includes news of the last Code Skank rally against the Marines in Berkeley.