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Saturday, August 27, 2005

I'm Just Not That Lucky

Axis of El Vil charter member Hugo Chavez is indignant that Pat Robertson called for his assassination. Much like our press, Hugo assumes Robertson is an agent of President Bush:

"If something happens to me, the responsible one will be George W. Bush," said Chavez, who has repeatedly accused the Bush administration of plotting to overthrow him.

The United States has repeatedly denied having any intentions to try to topple Chavez or harm him.

First, I have little use for Roberston.

Second, if Chavez was hit by a bus tomorrow I would not work up a single tear of sorrow.

Third, if I found out the next day that the CIA hired the bus driver, the tears still would not flow and I could not work up any outrage.

Fourth, given the amount of spittle that Hugo spews claiming we are trying to off his sorry regime, I wish we actually were trying to topple his regime.

Fifth, and I say this with regret, as long as assassination is illegal I cannot join in Robertson's call to kill Chavez.

But sixth, I still couldn't work up a tear or any outrage if we did it anyway. Certainly, any official of the US government involved in such a crime should be punished. Say a month's suspension with pay. That punishment would fit the crime, don't you think?

Now let's get back to shark attacks, dead blonde white women, and other important news matters. We've spent enough time covering Hugo's outrage.